November 2nd, 1986 – September 15th, 2018.
This is our son, Jeffrey Jr. He was “only” my step-son, but I loved him dearly and had been his step-mom since he was 3 years old. He passed away just shy of his 32nd birthday, leaving behind 3 children.
His dad and I will never forget when we got the phone call. It was Saturday morning and we were so excited because after 10 years of living in a neighboring town, we had just bought a house back in our hometown and had officially moved in the day before. We got up early, anxiously awaiting our appliance delivery and sat there drinking coffee and talking. We talked about how nice this was going to be living so close to the kids and grandkids again because after many years of distance between us both physically and relationally, we were all in a different place and had made great strides at working through past issues that kept our family apart. We talked about how we had just recently seen all the kids and they all seemed to be doing pretty good. It brought a smile to our face. I remember commenting on how we had just seen Jeffrey, when we were helping our oldest daughter move into her new apartment, and that he looked so good, healthy, and happy. I gave him a big hug and kiss and told him how proud I was of him and how good he looked. He and his dad talked for a long time that day and when we went back home that night, we were both smiling and saying how this move was going to be a good thing for us all.
The appliances were delivered and just as we were shutting the door, the phone rang. It was our son Keenan. He was screaming in the phone and we couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. Of course, my heart started racing, and when we got him calmed down enough to talk clearly, he gave us the news that Jeffrey was at the hospital and he was dead. We waited for what seemed like several minutes…just to see where this sick joke was leading, but that was the end of the conversation. Jeff and I just sat there looking at each other in shock. We didn’t even think. We got our shoes on and grabbed our keys and off we went to the hospital.
As you can imagine, or maybe you cannot….it was unfathomable. This wasn’t possible….we just saw him! He looked good. He said he was clean. He said he was doing good. We just got back to town and he hadn’t even made it over yet! What happened? How could this happen? What is happening with the kids…where are all the kids? Hundreds of thoughts, questions, feelings flooded all at once and it was so overwhelming that speech was impossible. We just held each other for the longest time and then we hugged our granddaughter. His siblings were coming in and just losing control and then….his mother showed up. I will NEVER ever in my lifetime, forget the sound of that gut wrenching scream when she saw her son for the first time. Words cannot express that level of pain.
The rest of that time at the hospital was a blur, except that we were the last ones to leave. Jeff wanted it that way…to be the last one with him before he was taken away. The next several days also went by in a blur…as the funeral came and went…and then a few days later, the realization that he was never coming back really hit us all. It has been a very tough road for our family and especially for his 3 children.
As parents, we couldn’t help but to keep going over things in our mind of “what if we would have said this or done that … maybe then he would still be here” or “why didn’t he tell us he was still struggling, we could have found him help”. The truth of the matter is that we probably couldn’t have said or done anything more than what we were already doing – loving him and praying for him.
He had an addiction that he battled for many years, and unfortunately, he lost the battle. He was not a bad person. He wasn’t a “low-life” or a “loser” as so many will try to paint the picture of an “addict”. Society is so quick to discount deaths due to addiction or overdose and that is so wrong! EVERYBODY on this earth is Battling something. Some of those battles are out in the open and visible to others, and others are not.
Jeffrey was the most loving, gentle soul you would ever want to meet. He had a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. He didn’t have it all together, but do any of us really ever have it all together? He was a family man to the core. He loved his family and he loved Jesus with his whole heart! And that is what really matters and needs to be remembered about our son Jeffrey.
The Battle is Real! Please pray for Jeffrey’s family, especially his precious children, who now have to find a way to go on without him.
Thank you for reading his story.
